Michael Bay - Armageddon (1998), 1/10

With Armageddon, Bay definitively proves that a big budget and an expensive cast will not yield impressive results. This movie has it all: misguided cheap humor, cheesy overacting, a childish script, disingenuous presentation, and of course trademark over-the-top special effects without narrative meaning. Every second of this movie encapsulates the feeling of foolish nonsense to an almost impressive degree. If it wasn’t so insultingly simple it may be ironically entertaining, but it takes itself far too seriously for anything of the sort. The acting, despite the impressive list of names, consists of some of the most ridiculous and infuriatingly corny performances in modern memory, only made worse with the use of actors as nothing other than eye candy or cultural caricatures, a painfully indulgent display that tops this tasteless endeavor. The ability of this script to make fantastic actors appear unlikeable, humorless, and talentless is remarkable. Stupid action movies should at least be entertaining, but Armageddon flirts with extreme brainlessness too often, making it simply dull rather than stimulating or charming. At least it offers a concise, one word answer to the question: what kind of movie don’t you enjoy?